Canadian Beer drinkers blamed for Global Warming

Just when you thought our neighbor to the north (actually also to the south for those of us in the Detroit area) was this environmentally pristine wonderland, there's this:

Study: Canadian Beer Drinkers Threaten Planet

A threat to the planet, eh?

Scientists have found a new threat to the planet: Canadian beer drinkers.

The government-commissioned study says the old, inefficient "beer fridges" that one in three Canadian households use to store their Molson and Labatt's contribute significantly to global warming by guzzling gas- and coal-fired electricity.

"People need to understand the impact of their lifestyles," British environmental consultant Joanna Yarrow tells New Scientist magazine. "Clearly the environmental implications of having a frivolous luxury like a beer fridge are not hitting home. This research helps inform people — let's hope it has an effect."

The problem is that the beer fridges are mostly decades-old machines that began their second careers as beverage dispensers when Canadians upgraded to more energy-efficient models to store whatever Canadians eat besides doughnuts and poutine.

University of Alberta researcher Denise Young, who led the study, suggests that provincial authorities hold beer-fridge buy-backs or round-ups to eliminate the threat — methods that Americans use to get guns off the streets.

Actually instead of buy-backs the Canadian model would be to register and then confiscate the fridges. Then after an increased tax provide, the Canadian government would establish universal fridgecare, with a waiting list for a new and efficient and environmentally conscious beer fridge.

Somebody please tell me this is a parody. I can only see Canadians giving up their beer fridges when they're pried from their cold, drunken fingers.