Scenes From A Courtroom

Today in a District Court, somewhere in South-Eastern Michigan, we saw quite the spread of humanity, much of it at its dumbest.

First, there was the lady who got caught going back into Walmart after she had been barred from there for shoplifting and busting one of the terms of her probation in doing so.

It turns out Walmart security does pay attention, and running in wearing a hoodie as a disguise doesn't help.

Then came another hapless fellow who also had attempted to leave Walmart without paying for his items. Didn't turn out well for him either.

Then came the guy that stole power from the electric company with an illegal hookup - that's a twofer, being both dangerous and dumb.

But the topper of the day was the two blonde girls who had been busted for shoplifting cosmetics from Meijer, and this wasn't their first offense.

Here's a brief list of some things not to do in court, and these two seemed determined to do everything on this list:

1. Don't show up in extra tight shirts and skirts, especially one so tight and short that you go up to the podium with a portion of cheek showing. This doesn't impress the court and you're expected to be in reasonable attire - especially when you had the notice to appear that said come dressed appropriately.

Not a good first impression nor a way to get any leniency.

2. Don't visibly chew gum. Again, Not a good first impression.

3. Don't act like it's a joke. You're being charged with an offense that can lead to jail time. If the judge thinks you're making a mockery of the system and don't understand the seriousness of your offense - well, you're about to find out.

4. Never, ever, jokingly refer to yourself as a habitual offender. You're gonna get treated like one. You instead want to downplay any prior acts and stress how you've seen the error of your ways.

5. Do not demonstrate a lack of remorse for your actions. The judge really loves it when you said you stole something because "oh, it was expensive" and by your attitude he figures you're going to be a repeat customers.

6. Don't try to act all tough when you trying to have a judge accept a plea bargain. You've already pleaded guilty, don't annoy the judge enough that he might override the prosecutor's recommendation of no jail time and instead put you in jail. Yes, he CAN do that.

The judge was frustrated enough with the two of them and their attitudes that he sent them to sit in a cell at the court while he decided what to do with them. Hopefully that changed their attitude.