Treat All Firearms As If Loaded, Part The Umpteenth, Now With Lying To Your Prospective Attorney

Get a call from a prospective client, whop as it turns out is facing a Reckless, wanton use or negligent discharge of a firearm charge.

This is a misdemeanor and depending on what he did exactly is either up to 90 days or up to a year in jail and a decent fine of between $100-$500 attached.

His story starts with:

"My gun was defective, I dropped it and it went off in my garage."

He then went on to embellish it that he thought it was unloaded - yep yet again, thought being the operative word.

Then he went on to state the slide was stuck shut and he was going to take it to a gunsmith to work on it when he dropped it on the garage floor and it went off.

He then called the police on himself and then made a very full detailed statement to the police and then was charged. Apparently the round went through his garage and put a hole in his neighbor's garage so depending on the damage done the fine and potential jail time can differ.

Asking some questions about the event, he first can't remember even the model of the handgun in question, and he finally states it was a Ruger.

Anyone at this point want to guess where this is going?

Asking even more questions regarding the event and discussing the importance of accurate information in order to defend him from the charge, he starts hemming and hawing on the circumstances.

Then he finally states:

"Ok, it didn't actually fall and go off, I had pulled the trigger but I was sure it was empty and the slide was stuck so I couldn't check".

Yes, you may do a facepalm at this moment, I sure did on hearing it.

Look folks, lying to an attorney who will try to defend you from criminal charges is just not a good idea. It makes your defense that much harder and we're on your side. We'd rather have the truth and deal with it than try to defend you on a false premise you fed us that then blows up in your face in court.

Please do not lie to your attorney. The freedom you save may be your own.

After talking I explain what will likely happen process-wise and my need for a retainer (actually a ridiculously low one for this type of case but anyways), and he states he's going to try and handle it himself.

Good luck with that. I can guarantee the prosecutor will lose all sympathy with the guy once he starts lying, and if he rejects a deal and tries to defend himself in court the prosecutor will have him for lunch, and the jury will see right through it as he doesn't lie well, at all.

Once again, please don't lie to the attorney you want to retain to protect your rights. It doesn't help.

That's Not How It Works, That's Not How Any Of This Works - Legal Edition

I had received a call from a potential client regarding a real estate matter.

Real estate as it turns out means a citation for leaving broke-down vehicles and other junk in the backyard contrary to local ordinances. I.E. blight.

Then it gets better.

He starts off by stating the government should not be able to tell him what he can do with his property as he patented it. After all, he filed a patent with the Register of Deeds after he bought the land on a land contract.

He of course thoroughly confuses the idea of Patents and Land Patents and neither would do anything for him in this matter in any case. You can't give yourself a land patent, and historical real land patents are essentially treated the same as deeds and offer no escape from taxes nor local ordinances and code enforcement. Nor does a land patent give you exclusive rights with the government of your township being unable to regulate you for 20 years. Even if he could really give himself a land patent, it would avail him not. It Does Not Work That Way and anyone telling you differently is selling something.

See where this is going yet?

Next, when I say that argument really won't fly and explain why and that we'd have to go to court to deal with the citation as a citation without the land patent tom-foolery argument, he says "Will we have to petition to remove it from Admiralty court?".

As if the 52-2 District Court in land-locked Clarkston, Michigan is a beehive of admiralty law. While there are some small lakes nearby, not an admiral is to be found around the courthouse.

Yep, if you hadn't caught on before, it's Mr. Sovereign "I Googled It On The Internet So It Must Be True" Citizen.

I noted that his theories are really, really, not correct, and it is not how this works, and I would be unable to represent him under such a theory.

He then bemoans that he's disabled and on Social Security Disability. The irony of a sovereign citizen with a "The government can't tell me what to do" attitude collecting SSDI seems to escape him.

Next, he states that he believes it is double jeopardy as they keep writing him citations for the same blight. No, that's not double jeopardy, it's a continuing uncorrected code violation that you failed to correct after being fined on your prior citation.

In short, I will not be representing him anytime soon, but I almost want to observe his next court appearance if just for the sheer entertainment value.