That's Not How It Works, That's Not How Any Of This Works - Legal Edition

I had received a call from a potential client regarding a real estate matter.

Real estate as it turns out means a citation for leaving broke-down vehicles and other junk in the backyard contrary to local ordinances. I.E. blight.

Then it gets better.

He starts off by stating the government should not be able to tell him what he can do with his property as he patented it. After all, he filed a patent with the Register of Deeds after he bought the land on a land contract.

He of course thoroughly confuses the idea of Patents and Land Patents and neither would do anything for him in this matter in any case. You can't give yourself a land patent, and historical real land patents are essentially treated the same as deeds and offer no escape from taxes nor local ordinances and code enforcement. Nor does a land patent give you exclusive rights with the government of your township being unable to regulate you for 20 years. Even if he could really give himself a land patent, it would avail him not. It Does Not Work That Way and anyone telling you differently is selling something.

See where this is going yet?

Next, when I say that argument really won't fly and explain why and that we'd have to go to court to deal with the citation as a citation without the land patent tom-foolery argument, he says "Will we have to petition to remove it from Admiralty court?".

As if the 52-2 District Court in land-locked Clarkston, Michigan is a beehive of admiralty law. While there are some small lakes nearby, not an admiral is to be found around the courthouse.

Yep, if you hadn't caught on before, it's Mr. Sovereign "I Googled It On The Internet So It Must Be True" Citizen.

I noted that his theories are really, really, not correct, and it is not how this works, and I would be unable to represent him under such a theory.

He then bemoans that he's disabled and on Social Security Disability. The irony of a sovereign citizen with a "The government can't tell me what to do" attitude collecting SSDI seems to escape him.

Next, he states that he believes it is double jeopardy as they keep writing him citations for the same blight. No, that's not double jeopardy, it's a continuing uncorrected code violation that you failed to correct after being fined on your prior citation.

In short, I will not be representing him anytime soon, but I almost want to observe his next court appearance if just for the sheer entertainment value.