Scenes From Court: That Really Needed Some Popcorn

So I was in court yesterday doing some Guardian Ad Litem work.

A case of ahead of mine became rather entertaining.

It was the first hearing in what looks like a very contested case over who gets to be guardian over X.

You have V and W who are represented by an attorney I've gone up against in trial and who is a very disagreeable personality, we'll call him D, short for well, Dumbass, and we'll see why in a moment. He's an older attorney that seems to think he walks on water.

There's also Y who wants to be X's guardian as well, and she's probably wondering why V and W have hired Dumbass. The GAL on that case is another attorney I know well and is a great guy with lots of experience, very professional and cordial, and has an impeccable reputation. We've dealt with each other before in cases and get along well.

The judge happens to have a lot of experience, likes to keep a smooth and efficient docket, and expects the attorneys to be prepared.

So, the judge has the GAL give his report. GAL is pissed at V and W, and I don't think I've ever seen him this disgusted before. V and W actually gave him tapes that showed V and W belittling X, attacking Y and basically beclowning themselves. How the heck they thought the recordings would help them is rather puzzling, though Y apparently doesn't take it lying down in those tapes and does respond, properly so in the mind of the GAL. So the GAL says that he's rather disgusted by V and W's behavior as evidenced by the tapes and recommends Y be the guardian/conservator based on their treatment of X and Y.

Dumbass then objects and states the GAL is misconstruing things on the tape.

The judge is rather bemused as she knows the GAL is a straight-shooter.

Judge: "So you're saying my GAL is not giving an accurate report?"

D: "No, he's not understanding what's on the tapes."

Judge: So did you listen to the tapes yourself then Mr. D?"

D: No.

Judge (a short and rather dangerous pause): Then how is it that you can claim my GAL is mistaken and attack his report when you haven't listened to them yourself, are you really just relying on your clients and not listening to the evidence yourself before the hearing?"

One wishes the deputy was around to hand out popcorn at this stage as this is now getting good. For whatever reason the deputy is not in the courtroom which is a shame as it could really have enhanced what happened next

D: No I didn't listen to them as this is the preliminary hearing and we're not at an evidentiary hearing yet.

Judge: You know I could rule on this right now had you listened to those tapes, but now we have to waste time with an issue that you can't even discuss at first hand.

D raising his voice: Judge this isn't my first rodeo.

Judge: Blink.

Judge: "What?"

D: (acquires shovel and begins to dig in deeper): I don't even need to listen to those tapes yet, this isn't my first rodeo and I know how this works.

Judge: "So you're basically wasting the court's time when we could resolve this right now but you don't even listen to the tapes your own client provided, why the heck not?"

D: Don't tell me how to practice Judge, in any case I was in a trial before and too busy to listen to them and don't need to now anyways.

Judge:"Is there a deputy available?, Why the heck did you take this case then if you were too busy?"

D: Pointing his finger at the judge, "This isn't my first rodeo, I know how this works!"

Judge: You don't ever point a finger at me. You've disparaged my GAL and wasted the court's time. I'm setting this for an evidentiary hearing and I expect you to be ready and there will be no adjournments, is that clear?"

He then gets his order and leaves. As he leaves a deputy shows up and chats with the judge for a sec and heads out of the courtroom following him. Didn't see him get hit with contempt but it would certainly be fitting.

In the case I had with D previously he had the stupidity to yell at the court's attorney, which certainly did not help his case. At that trial, all evidentiary rulings that could have possibly gone either way were solidly in my favor. Not saying his yelling and acting like a jerk was the main cause but it's likely. Clearly he didn't learn form that experience.

Meanwhile, his current clients need to get a new attorney asap, as I can guarantee that the judge will remember this incident and D's name is now mud in front of that court and anything he does from now on in front of that judge will be not very kindly received and his clients who apparently are not the sharpest tools in the shed anyways are hosed.