Monday, April 01, 2019

Mueller Investigation Back On!

This morning, Special Counsel Robert Mueller announced that he was resuming his investigation into the question of collusion of Russia with the Trump campaign.

Democrats all across America cried tears of joy, a clear contrast to the rivers of sadness that had been flowing since the release of the Special Cunsel's report.

Mueller announced that after $29 million dollars spent and 2 years searching for evidence of Russian collusion without finding a shred of any such activity, he realized he had not searched everywhere yet.

"I had looked high, I had searched low", he said, "and I found nothing".

"But in all this searching I forgot to look under my bed. I just looked there this morning." He said. "Sure enough, there was a dossier labelled "Open this for proof of Russian Collusion" and it had everything I needed to prove all the allegations made by the DNC. The million dollars in small unmarked bills right beside the dossier with a note that said 'Get Trump, Love H.' didn't influence his decision to reopen the investigation one bit.

Mueller plans to release an updated report this afternoon.

Happy April Fools' Day, Democrats.