In the Detroit News, the latest reported murder victim in the Detroit area had quite an unusual name:
Rolex Dior Johnson
Looking at him, they could immediately tell the time of death because he stopped at 2 am.
"Open the garage door, HAL."
22 minutes ago
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His mother, Champagne Ripple Carter, was too distraught to comment, but his aunt, Tiara Caviar Smith, stated that he was a good boy who was just getting ready to turn his life around.
"I mean, he was gonna get a job and go to school and start paying support for his kids and everything," she said.
Oh, OW!
Murph: I heard his brother Timex Gucci was also at the scene, but he took a lickin' and kept right on tickin'.
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