Friday, July 08, 2011

Dear Mr. Concerned Boat Guy – You’re a Moron

Dive 184 at Union lake started much like any other dive.

Rob and I geared up and got in the water about 10:00 pm. In addition to our standard gear we carried a deco bottle to practice gas switching and passing the bottle back and forth.

About 10 minutes into the dive we hear a boat’s engine zipping by right overhead. We’re comfortably deep in 28 feet of water so while it is annoying to have a boat come by that close we’re safe from harm.

We have a dive flag flying in full compliance with the law, complete with a solid blue battery-powered lightstick attached as an extra (and statutorily unnecessary) warning device. Since lights tend to attract drunken boaters its efficiacy as a safety tool is questionable.

So after 45 minutes we surface about 20 feet from the boat launch and see a car and a truck pointing towards the water with their headlights on, which is peculiar

As we approach the dock, we see it is this post’s eponymous Mr. Concerned Boat Guy and an Oakland County Sheriff’s deputy.

Mr. Concerned Boat Guy then launches into a diatribe on how he called the Sheriff because he was on his pontoon boat and ran over our dive flag and we really should have a bigger light on it ‘cause he couldn’t see it till he was almost on top of it. He then states he could see our lights below.

We kindly point out that we were 28 feet down and our lights were moving around for a good 35 minutes after he passed us.

We point out that we're fully in compliance with the law by carrying a flag and go beyond it by putting a light on it.

Doesn't seem to help with Mr. Concerned Boat Guy.

He then says we should put a white light on it. We point out a white light tends to get washed out by the shore lights and it tends to attract boaters who proceed to run over the flag.

We also kindly point put that boats are suppose to remain 200 feet from the flag,

The deputy doesn’t say much during this exchange, but he seems to be in a decent mood and understands that we are diving in full compliance with the law. He finally says for everybody to be safe and heads off, as does Mr. Concerned Boat Guy. Sadly he doesn’t stroke Mr. Concerned Boat Guy for violating the law, namely running over a dive flag and busting the 200 foot radius and admititng to it.

We head back to our cars and it turns out that Mr. Concerned Boat Guy (MCBG) left a page long screed on my windshield that is amazing for its mix of self-righteous and stupidity, and it makes me wonder if he was tipping back a few during his boating excursion or if he's this naturally stupid 24/7.

“To whomever was diving in the DARK tonight!”

Yes, that us, and you were boating in the dark tonight with or without your capslock on, your point?

You almost got ran over tonight. I can’t understand for the life of me why you would dive at nihgt without having a lighted marker! Just so you know, it is impossible to see your little tiny blue light on your Flag in the DARK!

We did get run over, by you. Luckily we were 28 feet under you.
And again with the dark in caps, methinks MCBG never learned proper grammar. Look moron, you admit our marker was lighted. Why don’t you have a sufficient light on your boat so you can see what’s in front of you, dummy?

I was idling in a pontoon and we did not were not able to see your dive marker until we were right over top of you. I am not sure if you even knew how close we were to you, but I did see you flash your light under water once the boat was over top of you.

No, the heck you were idling. That was a running motor that we heard you lying sack. Yes, we knew you were 28 feet above us driving your boat like an oblivious idiot.

If you are going to dive in Union Lake or any other of the surroundings lakes please make sure that your location is clearly marked, especially at night. I do not want you to end up dead / or as a statistic of an unsafe / unprepared diver & I definatly (sic) do not want to be part of an accident involving any diver that is careless & irresponsible of their surroundings.

This is a bit like yakking on a cell phone, staring out your back window, ramming the back of a car stopped at a red light and then blaming the person that was stopped.

Look dumbass, we are fully aware of our surroundings and floating a flag in full compliance with the law. In this case it was you the unsafe / unprepared driver of the boat who was "careless & irresponsible of their surroundings". Quit blaming others for your own stupidity if you please.

Please remember that you are not the only ones using these waters & that there are many other people out here trying to enjoy the lake as well!

Right back at you dumbass. Please learn and remember what a dive flag means and share the lake accordingly. Please try to pay attention the next time you drive your boat in the lake would ya?

Thank you,
A concerned citizen.

You’re welcome.

Now please take a boater safety class as soon as possible and learn the laws of boat operation before you cause an acccident.

Also, please man up and leave your name and contact number next time you fancy leaving a page-long ignorant screed on someone's vehicle you irresponsible, unsafe, and pathetic excuse for a boat operator.


Murphy's Law said...

This is why I keep telling you:

Spear guns--not just for fish any more.

(It's also why I quit using a dive flag way back when--it attracts more boats/jet skis than it dissuades.

Aaron said...

Yes, I'm rather peeved that I can't carry limpet mines for just such an occasion.

Of course, had we not been carrying a flag, I guarantee you the deputy would have written us a ticket.

Boat Guy said...

Just to be clear the idiot "concerned citizen" isn't a "Boat Guy" as we know the term. In Naval Special Warfare it is used to distinguish Combatant Craft Crewmen from SEALs (aka "Team Guys").

Aaron said...

Boat Guy:
I suspect the closest Mr Concerned boater guy ever got to NSW or any other position requiring competence and responsibility was watching Navy Seals on TV.