Who writes these headlines?

The Detroit News has a very overly dramatic headline in the paper and online today: Boardroom brawl dulls Disney magic: It pains America to watch capitalism mess with Mickey

For one thing, how does the Detroit News headline writer know it pains America to watch this spectacle?

And "capitalism messing with Mickey"? I can just picture it now, Daddy Warbucks and the cartoon capitalist from Monopoly beating up Mickey mouse in a dark alley. Run for the hills, the scourge of capitalism is about to mess with the most sucessful capitalistic icon of them all!

The article has to do with the boardroom battles between Eisner and Roy Disney, as well as the Comcast takeover offer. Most Americans far from panicking and heading for the hills, or protesting in the streets, either of which would be an expected reaction if this truly pained America, seem to be either blissfully unaware or they couldn't care less.